Yeah I admit it is a strange title, you may have first thought it derogatory, but I hope the more you think about it the more you realise it is the basic premise (below unconditional love) of a Godly husband.

This is essentially part 2 of my last piece ‘Are you calling your wife, Mum?’ The culture is so contrary to how we men should be leading our families! The media really does not help, always lifting the mother up and putting the father down! What’s wrong with lifting them both up?

That’s what the idea of marriage is all about, two being better than one, one being lifted up and supported by the other, as men, I believe our primary role in family life is to encourage and grow our wife.

The way I see it the Bible actually tells me it is my role to raise her as I would a daughter, I base this on Ephesians 5:25-26

So in truth we are to be the complete opposite to the easy give all responsibility away role that the media always portrays, our standard is Christ who lays down His life so that we can grow.

To a large extent I should be shepherding and fathering my wife first! Then she has an example to raise our children, this is especially true for guys like myself who’s wives did not grow up in a stable family.  If they never had the Godly example growing up, you have a greater responsibility!

And if you never knew what it was to have a Godly example, then you better get close to God so that he can prepare your heart to teach you to be one, because the peace and growth of your family is depending on it!

This for most of us, will have to be a complete mind shift and we will have to break a lot of old habits and take the time to form new ones, forming the new is not easy and does not come naturally, your heart may be breaking now when seeing the truth of how you are to lead your wife, if you fall short, don’t condemn yourself, repent to God and make a stance to change, to run in the opposite direction.

Now that you want to love and be responsible for the growth of your wife, the main thing is you need to model it, you need to receive more and more of God’s unconditional love so that you can give some away.

And you need to be on a path to growth, to improvement and mastery over yourself, self discipline and denial is key.

• Get serious with yourself, like we said last time shake off the old time wasters,
• Pick up new skills and habits,
• Start waking up an hour earlier,
• Decide to get fit,
• Sort out your finances,
• Take on some of the responsibilities around the home,
• Spend more time with your kids,
• Get around wise Godly men and be accountable.

All of these things will develop you and create better self discipline, this will go a long way to showing your wife you are serious and developing the back bone for you to lead!

You will miss the mark so many times even though your heart is 100% for your wives development, I know I do, but don’t despair!

She will begin to see your heart and your effort, it will go well with you and you will both become bigger people, more and more like our example – Jesus, with you now drawing her up higher.