Tag Archives: husband

1 Click away from loosing Daddy!


I don’t know if any of you share my struggle! I have been addicted since around the age of 12. It has been a constant nagging, filling a need, a source of pleasure and pain – football management pc gaming! (Yes porn neatly went alongside it but that is not the topic of today’s post)

I think many of you can relate to being or knowing someone who has been addicted to gaming.

I watched yesterday (my first full day of paternity leave) a hilarious documentary of Football Manager – the game that absorbed my teenage years. It brought back fond memories, even filling a need and craving that must still be to a degree their after years of being mostly clean! Over the last 7 years of married life I have not cheated long term on my wife with this game, their had been the occasional fling but repentance was quick.

Yesterday I was one click away from downloading the game on my phone. I’d thought it out in my head, I have a lot of extra time these 2 weeks, there will be time during paternity when I’m up with my wife in the night – so I’ll have something to do.

But, I know that if I opened that door it would be consuming – it always is. I would struggle to find time to take my 2 year old daughter swimming every day, struggle to read an hour a day, struggle to spend time on this blog and a future business plan. And worse of all would be disengaged to my wife and family when they need me fully the most.

So I’ve learnt that this time with a new baby is precious its vital I can’t get distracted and more than that I need a plan. So now I have a list of 5 or 6 fruitful things I want to achieve each day – none of them being comfort to my flesh.


Are you compromising entertainment for your family?

Are you going easy on your flesh in this area?

Are you achieving all you can in this season?

Final thought:

Christ calls us to pick up our cross daily, not give in to the flesh and comfort.


2 Chronicles 3:16 Doin it all with Excellence

Rear view of children and father washing dishes at kitchen sink

He made wreaths of chainwork, as in the inner sanctuary, and put  them  on top of the pillars; and he made one hundred pomegranates, and put  them  on the wreaths of chainwork. 

The temple that Solomon built was immaculate, decorated like nothing you would have seen before or could imagine. Their was detail and design everywhere. Luxury and expense unspared.

I believe that we should have the same heart today to build for God something costly, something amazing that will be a living testament to the goodness of God, whether that is a Church building, a business, a family or your own character, whatever we put our hands to should be done to the same degree of excellence that Solomon sought in building a temple for his God.

The simplest way to apply this principle to our lives is to start with where we are today. I’m on holiday (kids are taking their nap) and having quite a lazy relaxing time – which is really what the family needs after a real busy season. But in that I have a role to play – in directing us to as much fun relaxing as I can.

When I get back to work mode – I want to hit my new projects (www.carmelbookshop.org) with as much energy and excellence as I can, doing my best for my church that employs me and ultimately for my God. And to go in to the next family season (preparing for baby no3) with as much excellence and strength as possible to bless my wife!

Lets all have the same mindset – God is after all looking out to see how you can be stewarding the little you have now to make you master of more (Matthew 25:23)- don’t quit before you get promoted remain faithful and do all your duties onto God. (Colossians 3.23) Even if that is showing the kids how to tidy the house for Mum!

What a week of Love!


Saturday we had some amazing Quality Family time experiencing for the first time the best Park ever, over in Bath.

Followed by a loving demonstration from our senior Pastors for their daughter in celebrating her 21st Birthday with a great party.

Sunday, one of my favorite Pastors Chris Lodewyk came to minister to sermons at our Church, he has recently lost is wife of over 50 years and the love he is full of tangible. A true role model to me.


Monday my wife preached a sermon at Bible College as part of her course,to celebrate we went to eat as a family at a beautiful Mexican restaurant.

Wednesday was the height of the gorgeous warm weather we’ve experienced this week and so I made sure we all got to ‘the best ever Park’ again. My 4 year old son amazed himself as he did the zip line by himself! That filled his Father with immense joy!

That night we went to a marriage seminar at our Church were our Pastors spoke on Ephesians 5:25 How husbands our to love unconditionally and wife’s to honour and respect their husband. From their experiences we saw the power of God’s love in demonstration.

Thursday night we drove up to Cardiff for my wife to go to my sister’s baby shower. While I was able to have the best 2 hour chat I’ve ever had with my brother in law. On the 1 hour drive we were listening to an album were a song spoke right in to our hearts.

you drowned my fears in perfect love

The song called No longer slavers (to fear) is released through Bethel Music by Jonathan and Melisa Helser I would highly recommend checking out the work for the Father they are pouring their lives in to.

Friday I spent the afternoon preparing for a course I am due to teach in the Bible College here at Carmel in Bristol. I was preparing a section about God being a Spirit, Light and Love.

The verses of John 17:24 where Jesus talks of the Love that He the Son and the Father shared before the beginning of time! And John 10:17 that says the Love the Father had for the Son was so he would lay down His life for us to then be raised to Resurrection life for us again! Wrecked me!!

This all climaxed in our Youth service Friday night where we had a great move of God’s spirit and really moving time of prayer for some of the teenagers that came forward.


I’m convinced that this deep returning to our first love for my wife and I was aided by the increased and purposeful family time that we have had at the start and through this week.

If you love on those God has given you, He will pour out more of His love on you.

Love is everything, we are useless without.

Priorities – my reason for being so quiet!


I have not blogged for 20 days and it is amazing how much of a habitual activity it is. It can actually be really tough to get back in to.

The reason I have bed so quiet is because I have been have been fighting bad flu symptoms but more importantly because I have been trying to support my wife more through her 2nd year of Bible College.

At the end of September she restarted her studies after a 4 year gap, due to having 2 babies. Now with our already busy lives I am very aware that I need to be supporting my wife more in the evenings.

Ultimately I am realising that there are too many things I want to do in this season, and that my number one priority until July is to do all I can to assist and take some of the pressure off of my wife.

I hope it is not 20 days between posting as I do enjoy it and I believe God put a burden on my heart to produce a platform of help to young husbands and Fathers.

But the best example I can be to others is to lay down my life for my wife, as Christ laid His life down for his bride – the Church (Ephesians 5)

I think this is a regular necessity for a Godly husband to pull back a little and see where you can give more time and energy to your wife’s needs.

It is too easy in our society to think the wife should be giving more, but it is one of the biggest errors in our upside down world.

I’m looking forward to what God will teach me in this season as I purpose to serve my wife more.

How can you lay your agenda down more to lead the way in your home?

You will hurt your wife more than any other person on this planet!

You will hurt your wife more than any other person on this planet

You will hurt your wife more than any other person on this planet. That realisation smacked me in the face a couple Thursdays ago in my early morning mentoring group. Our Pastor is taking us through the classic Ed Cole book, Real Woman.

The book deals very well with the truth that women have to trust both God and their husband in their marriage, this can be a huge thing for most women – as us men are not the best at leading often!

Because the wife is in the more vulnerable position in a Christian Marriage, us husbands need to be very careful how we do lead and how we meet their needs, a wife may sacrifice spending money on her self when really it is a need she has, a wife may be aching for communication from her husband but it may go undetected, a wife may outwardly put up with a few out bursts of anger and frustration, but inwardly be falling apart.

We all have ‘unique’ ‘individual’ women in our lives, because of their love for us, the intimate way they have allowed us in to their lives, they have made themselves vulnerable to us. We must realise this and tread very carefully, realising that they are wired quite differently to us.

We need to like the Bible reminds us in 1 Peter 3.7 live with our wives with all understanding of them! It is a wise husbands greatest and most blessed choice to study his wife to understand everything about her.

Start with the things that make her sad and bring her pain, purpose to rid them from your marriage.  Take a moment to imagine the potential pain you have caused the person you love more than any other. It’s a horrible thought.

We need to make right! We need to repent to God for hurting his daughter and repent to her, once you have done that you need to forgive yourself as God has forgiven you.

Then live your future determined not to go there again, so that you can bring her protection and joy as you are intended to.

40 Fun, Cheap Dates

I really enjoyed writing about the importance of date nights a few months ago and really enjoy getting out with my wife and having quality time. But a lot of the time we are guilty of doing the same things, whereas when I was dating her in South Africa, I was always planning something new.

So with a desire to be more spontaneous I found a list on a blog called thoughtcatalog.com to give some inspiration. I hope you enjoy it as I did and it inspires you too to do some new things together!


1. Make a fire outside. This is free and hands down, the best date ever.

2. Cheer on an amateur sports team in your city. It’s just as fun as supporting a Real Team but tickets are dirt cheap. My city’s non-pro baseball team has a few dates during the summer where tickets are $5.

3. Bowling is always a fun night out, and if you go during the week you can find somewhere to do it super cheap.

4. Lots of cities are getting cheap and easy bikes you can rent around town and return at any number of vending locations. This is a great way to see your neighborhood differently.

5. Go to a park where you can feed the ducks.

6. Play a Monopoly game through until someone wins. Play music (not TV) in the background. You’ll have fun conversations and learn a lot about your partner’s business sense while doing it.

7. Go to a flea market or hit some thrift stores. You don’t have to buy anything, it’s fun to look around at antiques and nostalgic products.

8. If you do find things at the flea market/thrift store, you can fix them up together.


9. Hike anywhere nearby with a great view.

10. Look up the events calendar of your local paper, there’s tons of free events like art shows, block parties, and festivals that you can go to together.

11. My go-to cheap date is to grab some food from my apartment and walk to the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden and walk around/hang out on the grass. This works with a community garden or a regular park as well.

12. Take a community education class together.

13. Learn how to cook and spend time together making nice dinners and eating them over candlelight.

14. Go to the beach.

15. Volunteer at the Humane Society together and play with dogs that need extra love.


16. When the fair comes to town, why not go alone together with out the kids and ride the big wheel.

17. On the first windy day of spring go buy the $4 kids kites from the grocery store and fly them in the park.

18. If you live somewhere without light pollution, sit outside and try to identify as many constellations as you can. There’s some handy apps for this, or you can just try from memory and be creative.

19. Find a coffeehouse that has live music and go there for a night. Even if you have two drinks each coffee is inexpensive and you’ll have paid less than $10 each for a whole night’s activity.

20. The gold standard of a cheap date: mini golf. It’s a fun outdoor activity that takes awhile to complete and forces you to have conversation while giving you something to talk about the entire time. If either of you is actually into golf, the driving range can be just as fun, but slightly more athletic.

21. In the summer, get some ice cream and go for a walk through a fun neighborhood.

22. Ice skating. Outdoor rinks in the winter are so romantic and beautiful. There’s a weird amount of privacy despite being around other people, so you can have good conversations without being forced into it.

23. Find out the free or reduced-price days to go to your local planetarium or museum.


24. Learn to play pool if you don’t already know how. You can go to any bar and spend the whole night for very little money. You can get competitive and play each other or make friends by playing as a team against other couples.

25. If you don’t like coffee, try a juice press shop.

26. If you’re an extroverted couple: karaoke. If you’re not: watching other people karaoke.

27. Go to http://www.pickyourown.com and search for the area you live in. You’ll get a list of local farms where you can pick your own produce. Spend the day filling a bucket up with strawberries and then go home and make strawberry shortcake and/or jam.

28. Most communities have some form of “movies in the park” going on in the summer months. It’s usually a free activity where they play movies in a local park on a giant screen.

29. If either of you is interested in photography, spend the day walking around a nearby town or city, trading the camera back and forth and see who comes out with the best shots.

30. Make and bottle a batch of salsa together. Figure out who likes it spicy and who likes it with corn added. Come up with a name for it.

31. Go to a nature center on a day when they are doing some kind of guided tour. It can be interesting to learn the names of your local trees and plants that you’ve seen forever but known nothing about.

32. Buy the ingredients for you to both make variations of the same dish and have a cooking competition.

33. Buy two lottery tickets. Get a laptop out and dream up a bucket list of places you’ll visit and things you’ll do when you win.

34. Go to bingo night somewhere. You’ll make tons of weird friends. Bingo people are a lot feistier and more interesting than you’d imagine.

35. Google how to give a great massage and take turns perfecting your techniques.

36. Go through each others phones or computers and share pictures of memorable trips or events from your life. Tell stories about what is important to you.

37. Take up tennis — It can be free after you both have racquets and you get to spend time outside together.

38. Google how to give a great massage and take turns perfecting your techniques.


39. Indulge in a seasonal activity: pumpkin carving, making hot chocolate from scratch, grilling outside, etc.

40. Wait for a night that has nice weather and go somewhere where you can see the city lights/skyline and just chill out. This could be from a scenic overlook in your car or just heading up to the roof of your apartment building.

The list appeared at http://thoughtcatalog.com/christine-stockton/2014/04/50-fun-cheap-dates-that-arent-netflix/ by Chrissy Stockton